


Fractured Heart

by Danger_Floof_Floof



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-26 05:17:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20384305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danger_Floof_Floof/pseuds/Danger_Floof_Floof
Summary: Byleth thinks he and Claude got together far too quickly. There was still so much to get used to and Byleth was finding that being in a relationship was something he wasn't quite ready for.Claude would never force Byleth to do something he didn’t want.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just an idea I had. I have no idea how long this story will be but we're gonna dive head first into this anyways!

Claude’s heart still pounds when he looks at Byleth, he thinks its beating loud enough that anyone who steps near him can hear it. His hands still get a little sweaty when Byleth holds his hand and he is grateful for the gloves he wears. He has often been told that whenever Byleth is near, his eyes soften almost immediately and it's like Byleth is the only one in the room. In short, Claude loves Byleth with every fiber in his body. 

Claude was so sure Byleth loved him as much as he did but lately, he had begun to question whether or not Byleth even felt the same.

His former professor was currently speaking with Hilda, probably discussing some future plans for a nearby village who was interested in taking in other people who had been shunned from their own village. 

Now that Claude was ruler of the unified land, he firmly cemented the idea in his new subjects that there was to be absolutely no discrimination. Of course, there were still those who rebelled against his dream but unlike them, Claude didn’t plan to kill any who opposed. He would try and settle the matter as peacefully as possible.

Byleth had gladly stood down from his spot of ruling after Claude had come back from unifying his homeland and settled as an adviser instead of leaving, for which Claude was grateful for because now he could keep a close eye on him. 

Shortly after that, Claude had confessed his feelings and gave Byleth a ring to show just how serious he was with his feelings. Byleth had been shocked and had taken the ring with an expression that expected Claude to take the ring back but when Claude smiled at him, Byleth examined the ring.

“It’s a promise,” Claude had explained. “If you’ll have me, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Byleth hadn’t known what to say and he wasn’t sure if he were sure he was capable of such a commitment but Claude had assured him that he didn’t have to tell him right away, that Byleth could give him an answer when he was ready. And, a few weeks later, Byleth had given him an answer and they had shared their first kiss.

Claude had assumed Byleth was happier now. After he had gotten over the initial shyness of sharing their relationship to others, Byleth had enjoyed physical contact and stolen kisses, had enjoyed laying with Claude in his over sized bed sometimes sleeping and sometimes just talking. They hadn’t taken the next step because Claude didn’t want to overwhelm Byleth and Byleth had been glad for it because in truth, he wasn’t ready just yet.

Now, half a year into their relationship. Claude had begun to notice some off things about Byleth. Like how Byleth was suddenly shying away from Claude’s hand when he tried to hold it or when he continuously claimed he was too tired to go for one of their long rides. Claude had tired not to be hurt by the constant denial but after Byleth refused to even eat with him, he decided that it was time to talk to his lover before things got any worse.

Claude found his lover hidden away in their room, looking through maps of villages quite some distance from where they were settled. It made Claude’s heart ache to think that Byleth was probably thinking of wanting to leave and he hoped that that wasn’t the case.

“Hey,” Claude greeted quietly as he closed the large wooden door behind him. Byleth showed no sign that he heard Claude so Claude stepped closer until he could look over his shoulder. “Byleth?”

This grabbed Byleth’s attention and the former professor covered the maps with his hands. Wide eyes looked up at Claude.

“Why are you looking at maps?” Claude asked with a tentative smile, dreading the answer.

“I…” Byleth began quietly. “No reason.”

“There’s always a reason to everything you do.” Byleth looked torn between telling Claude the truth or lying but Claude would rather he didn’t lie to him, so he spoke before Byleth could. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me but can you please come eat with me? It’s getting pretty lonely.”

Byleth nodded and when Claude turned around, he began to hastily put the maps away. Claude pretended it didn’t affect him as much as it really did.

➸

The atmosphere around them after that grew so heavy that others began to question it— Even Lorenz asked Claude about it a couple of times— and each time Claude had merely stated he had no idea what they were talking about and changed the subject.

Byleth grew more distant. He missed more dinners and always had some excuse to spend as much time away from Claude as he could without making it look suspicious to others. At night when they lay together, Byleth would sleep close to the wall with his back turned to Claude and when they woke up and Byleth had ended up moving into Claude’s arms in his sleep, Byleth would be the first to rise. He was distant to the point where Claude didn’t know what to do anymore. He wasn’t sure how long he could hide it from people.

“Byleth, can I talk to you for a second?” Claude tapped Byleth’s shoulder while Byleth was reading a book. Byleth nodded, putting the book down on the table and following Claude’s lead when he lead them to their bed to sit on the edge.

“What’s wrong?” Byleth asked when he saw how upset Claude looked.

Claude took a deep breath and couldn’t meet Byleth’s eyes when he spoke. “You would tell me if something was wrong, right?”

“...Yes.”

Something in Claude’s heart began to crack as he took hold of Byleth’s ungloved hand and rubbed his thumb along the ring he had given him.

“Are you unhappy with our relationship?”

The silence that followed only proved to put another crack in Claude’s heart and his halted his caress of the ring. He tried for a smile but only managed a crumpled copy of one.

“You are, aren’t you?” He paused and continued his caress on the ring. “Did I do something to upset you?”

Byleth slowly placed his hand over Claude’s and Claude hoped he would hold it in his own, but he could feel his heart shatter when Byleth retracted his hand.

“Claude,” Byleth urged when he saw Claude beginning to close in on himself. “I think things went too quickly for us… for me. I can’t keep up.”

There was so much unsaid in Byleth’s words but Claude could read them as clear as day; Byleth wasn’t ready for a relationship after all. He was still so new to these things that it frightened him at times and he had felt too guilty to tell Claude before because he knew Claude loved him wholly and fiercely. 

The composure Claude had been keeping up began to chip away. His shoulders began to slump and his head bowed ever so slightly, his eyes downcast. Speculating Byleth had not been happy brought him pain but  _ knowing  _ he was not was a whole different feeling.

“Is that why you were looking at the maps?” Claude asked. “Would you like me to send you to one of them?”

There was no spite in his question. He simply wanted to know so that Byleth would be happy, That was all he ever wanted for Byleth. And when Byleth nodded, he had already resigned himself to arrange that for Byleth.

There wasn’t much to be said after that. Byleth looked torn between comforting Claude and leaving him alone to not cause him any more pain than he already has. The former professor had never seen Claude look so… defeated. But Byleth had made his decision some time ago. It had only been a matter of telling Claude. At this point, Byleth only wanted Claude to heal.

That was when he began to take off the ring, sliding it off his finger with such care, treating it like the most delicate object in the world. He placed it in Claude’s hand and closed his palm around it.

“Please,” Byleth begged in a low voice. “Find someone who will be worthy of this ring.”

The look Claude gave him was enough to make anyone cry. 

“It was only ever meant for you.”

He was sad that he had not shed a tear.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story will switch from Byleth to Claude's POV so I hope ya'll are fine with that.
> 
> Here's a longer chapter for all you lovely people :)

Claude had arranged his trip, providing him with supplies and letting him know that when he came back, he would have a separate room waiting for him with all of his belongings moved in it. The look Claude gives him is one Byleth will never get used to,its sad and accepting and Byleth wants to make him stop looking like that but he doesn't know how to go about it. So Byleth thanks him with a sad smile and shows him the villages he wished to visit. Claude had approved of his options (thought the cheerfulness of his voice was void) and had carried his items to his horse for him but he did not stay to see him leave. Instead, he said something about needing to be somewhere and had left Byleth’s send off to the original Golden Deer house.

“Its rude that Claude isn’t seeing his own lover off,” Hilda scoffed. “Don’t worry professor, I’ll give him a stern talk later.”

Claude had told Byleth not to tell the others just yet— to leave that to him— and Byleth felt the guilt weigh even heavier on him.

“There’s no need for that,” Byleth gave a half smile. “I’m sure Claude is just very busy.”

“Even so,” She frowned.

Marianne handed Byleth his sword, a frown on her lips as well. “I agree with Hilda. I know he is king now but you are his lover and that should reign as more important.” Her tone was soft but Byleth could hear the confidence from her.

Before Byleth could speak up to once again defend Claude, Lorenz interrupted.

“Well I suppose this is another instance I can hold against Claude. In truth, I was waiting patiently for another moment for him to slip up.”

Byleth couldn’t manage even a smile, his throat clenched up and he wanted to leave the kingdom as quickly as he could. He listened to everyone’s good bye and began on his way towards the first village. He never once looked back.

➸

  
  


Months passed and Byleth had seen a good majority of the land. It was so very peaceful but often times he found himself wondering if Claude would have loved this view as well. He thinks Claude would have because Claude was always the one to see beauty in the simplest of things. Byleth assumes he'll be thinking about Claude for some time seeing as how they were in a relationship for some time, they had memories that Byleth had to try and dim for the sake of his own heart. He hoped Claude was doing the same.

The first village he visited had been the smallest of the three villages he planned to visit. The people there recognized him as the Ruler of the Dawn and welcomed him to their village with open arms. He hadn’t wanted anyone to treat him as a ruler so he had moved on to the next village fairly quickly.

The next village was more or less similar in terms of people identifying him (although it was less than the last one). It was the biggest village out of them and also the dirtiest. Byleth had tried to look past it and had succeeded for some time, however the filth was not was caused him to eventually leave. No, what caused him to leave was overhearing a conversation about Claude and of a (false) theory that Claude was not actually as great a person as people thought him to be. That he was possibly abusive to his subjects in the kingdom and cared for no one but himself. Byleth had left that same night, fearing that he may purposely hurt one of those people for spitting such lies.

The last village he had stopped at was closer to Claude’s homeland and though that meant more people would probably speak of Claude, Byleth had been strangely drawn to the village.

The village was decent sized and there were quite a few cats. Byleth had stopped to pet as many as he could before he finally reached the main market.

Unfortunately, the market was closing down and Byleth wondered if he would have enough food to last him through the night. He supposed not eating for a day would be fine. He made to exit the market but was stopped by an elderly lady who ran one of the fruit stands.

“You’re not from around here, are you?” She questioned, looking at him from head to toe, eyes widening in awe at the sight of the sword hung on his belt.

Byleth shook his head and adjusted his position so that the sword was hidden behind his cloak. “I’m afraid not.”

There was a short silence that consisted of the elder women watching Byleth with a curious gaze and Byleth wondering if he should walk away. Finally, the elder woman motioned for him to help her carry her stuff into her home located across the way. Byleth wasn’t sure why he did it, but he tied his horse to a nearby rail and helped her put her crates in the wooden cart. When they finished and all her supplies were safely put back, she offered Byleth food and shelter for helping her. 

The woman’s home was small but cozy. She had a small dog that jumped on Byleth when he entered the home after putting his horse in the woman’s stable. 

“Don’t mind him,” the older woman said, bending down to pet the dog. “He loves anyone who walks through those doors.”

Byleth smiled and hung up his cloak on the nearby rack that held other coats and hats. 

“What is his name?” Byleth asked, bending down to give the dog a belly rub when he rolled over at his feet.

“His name is Hector,” the older woman informed. “My late husband named him.”

“I see.”

The older woman signaled him to follow her into her kitchen where she immediately began to set up for cooking.

Byleth stood awkwardly in the kitchen, wondering if he should offer his help or take a seat at one of the chairs and try and make small conversation. He was saved from deciding when the older woman handed him a knife and an onion, asking him to start cutting it.

“What are you making?” Byleth decided to strike up a conversation as the older woman began to mince some poultry. 

“Daphnel Stew. It’s simple but cooked correctly and in the right weather, it can be considered a high-quality meal.”

Byleth’s mind immediately went to Claude. He remembered back to the times when he taught the Golden Deer and when he would treat Claude to that same meal (among others). He remembered Claude telling him that Daphnel Stew was a meal he quite enjoyed.

“Are you alright, dear?”

Byleth realized he had froze mid cut and quickly apologized then finished cutting up the onion as fast as he could.

“Were you thinking of someone perhaps?” The older woman was focused on mincing the poultry but she was expecting an answer.

“Yes,” Byleth admitted. “I was.”

The elder woman hummed knowingly and walked over to grab the now minced onions. Byleth glanced at her oven and saw she needed to light the fire, so he started on that for her. She quickly thanked him.

“A lover perhaps?” At Byleth’s silence she clicked her tongue. “Then perhaps a _past _lover?”

Once again, Byleth did not answer. He continued to light the fire for the oven and when it was done, he sat on the chair to watch the woman continue cooking. Eventually, Hector came over and jumped on Byleth’s lap, wagging his fluffy tail and looking at Byleth expectedly for pets. Byleth complied.

“You don’t talk much but that’s alright. That just means an old woman like me has someone to rant to.” She put the ingredients in the pot over the stove and added the salt. “Oh, you don’t mind listening to an old woman reminiscing about her past, do you?”

Byleth shook his head. He actually would enjoy hearing of her past, anything to distract him from thinking of Claude.

And so she goes on about how her and her late husband met, about their wedding, about them wanting to have kids, about the day they got Hector, about how beautiful she used to be. She laughs when Byleth says she still is.

“You know I seem to recall a young man who said the same thing to me,” she says and then there is a far away look in her eye that tells Byleth that she is remembering this young man. “Oh he was such a sweetheart, always asking how I was doing and asking what I was going to cook for my husband. There was one time when he actually had dinner with us and he and my husband went on and on about food.”

She smiles at the memory as she serves the food then she serves Hector and takes a seat across from Byleth.

“Who was he?” Byleth asks, curious on his identity.

The older woman shrugged and picked up her spoon. “Oh he was just a small boy who liked to roam the town and make friends with as many animals as he could. He was weary of the cats though.”

“Why is that?”

“Well, he told me he didn’t have the best of luck with petting cats but he still tried.” She glances at Hector. “I think he would love Hector.”

The conversation strayed off to other topics but Byleth couldn’t help but think if Claude would like Hector as well.

➸

Over the course of the next week, Byleth found himself staying with the elder woman who he quickly found out was named Eleanor. He helped her around the house, with the farm, and worked the stand so that she could have a few precious days to herself.

Byleth stayed in the spare room and oftentimes woke up to Hector sleeping beside his head. There were nights where he found himself dreaming of Claude and then waking to a suffocating longing for him but he had made up his mind to have some distance from Claude. They had moved too quickly. Byleth had been gone for five years and Claude had changed so much in that time. Byleth couldn’t believe Claude felt so strongly for someone who had abandoned him for five long years.

Near the end of the week, Eleanor had suggested writing to whoever was on his mind. 

“You don’t have to send the letter,” she amended. “But I think it would do you good if you sat down and wrote what you feel.”

The way she had said it hinted to Byleth that she had probably done the same for her late husband. The thought made him sad and he wanted to comfort her but he didn't know how. 

That night she brought him a quill, some ink, and some parchment. Byleth stared at the materials while Eleanor cooked the night’s dinner. Hector had joined him and was settled beside him as if waiting for Byleth to make a decision. He placed the materials on the desk in his room and went back to the kitchen.

Byleth didn’t touch the materials that night nor the next.

➸

“You haven’t touched the quill in days,” Eleanor had pointed out during dinner preparations. "Does this mean you want to talk about it instead?"

Byleth wanted to tell her about Claude, wanted to explain what he was feeling. All the mixed emotions he felt towards their relationship and what he wanted to do with it. But he kept quiet and continued petting Hector until he was finished with his nap and wanted to walk.

“I’m going to take Hector for a walk.”

He heard Eleanor hum her approval before he walked out with Hector rushing forward.

As he walked around the town with Hector stopping every few paces, his thoughts trailed back to Claude, always to Claude. He wondered how he was doing, what he accomplished in his absence and if he thought about him as often as he did. Silently, he berated himself for thinking of that. He had already resigned himself to giving Claude a chance to find someone else, someone who could love him wholly and without doubt.

Hector barked repeatedly at Byleth until he noticed that the dog wanted to venture further into the woods. They had been past the town a handful of times and each time Hector insisted they venture further. It wasn’t a problem for Byleth, he was happy to take Hector out into the wilderness for some exercise but he also needed to be back by nightfall.

“We can’t stay out too late, Hector,” Byleth explained to the hyperactive dog. “Eleanor will already have dinner ready for us.”

Hector barked and rushed towards the brush of the tree, where he ran in a circle around a tree and then ran back to Byleth and circled him. 

As always, the forest helped to calm Byleth’s thoughts and focus on the now. He pushed aside the thoughts of longing for Claude and wondering if what he was doing was right. He would think of this later, but not now. Now, he was content with watching Hector run around the bushes and leap over tree roots. He had kept an eye on the sun and when it began to set, he whistled for Hector to follow him back.

The lantern in front of Eleanor’s home was lit and the gate was left open for them. Eleanor was waiting for them inside, sipping a cup of tea as she sorted through her balls of yarn.

“How was the walk?” She asked, looking up at the two with a gentle smile, the same smile she always gave them when they went out for a short period of time. Byleth pondered how much she worried for them when they stepped out.

“It was fine. Hector went a little farther than normal but he’s been doing that for some time now.” Byleth removed his boots and pulled up one of the wooden chairs in the dining room to watch her knit. It was a favorite past time of his, watching Eleanor maneuver through the string to create beautiful patterns was soothing.

“By the way,” Eleanor began, grabbing Byleth’s attention. “A messenger came by and dropped these off.”

She reached beside her to the table where her basket of yarn was and pulled a small stack of letters from behind it. She handed them to Byleth and continued knitting. 

The letters were all from the Golden Deer and Byleth’s heart began to race as he searched for a certain name. He felt oddly sad when he saw no sign of the name.

“Friends of yours?” Eleanor asked.

Byleth nodded and sat back in his chair, beginning to open up the first letter from Raphael. It had a small stain on the envelope and Byleth could only imagine Raphael had been eating when he wrote this. He smiled at the thought.

_ Dear Professor, _

_ How have you been? We all kind of expected you to write as soon as you settled somewhere but I guess it’s taking a little longer isn’t it? How’s the food? Is it as good as the food here? If it is, I should probably head on over and try some myself! A trip for great food is a good trip to me! We’re all waiting for you to return though Claude mentioned something about you might not coming back for quite some time. He’s awfully worried about you, sometimes he won’t even join me for a good ole feast. Anyways, I hope to hear from you soon! _

_ Raphael _

Byleth ran his thumb over Claude’s name and sighed as he put the letter back in its envelope. He was glad to hear that Raphael was doing fine and still being himself but his mention of Claude not joining for feasts with him was a bit alarming since Claude usually enjoyed those.

He opened the next letter from Marianne. The letter was folded with the utmost care and smelt of flowers. When he opened it, there was a pressed flower placed carefully with the letter. He placed the flower on the table and began to read the note.

_ Dear Professor, _

_ I heard from Claude of how far you are traveling and that means you may get these letters later than we hope so I hope the flower is in decent condition when you finally read this. I went out with Lorenz to find this flower so we hope you enjoy it. How have your travels been? I’m sure you have found many people to make friends with along the way. Is it hard to leave each new village behind? I assume that if these letters reach you, you have settled down somewhere. Please write soon, I’m sure we would all love to hear from you. Especially Claude, he has been a little distant since you left. _

_ Marianne _

Byleth stared at the letter. For yet another one of his former students to mention Claude is not at all shocking but at the same time it is upsetting. Because they feel the need to mention him and how he has been since Byleth left leaves a pang of sorrow in his heart. He sets the letter on top of Raphael’s and picks up the next one from Leonie.

_ Dear Professor, _

_ Long time no write, huh? We all kind of expected a letter at least a month after you left and when we didn’t get anything, we all kind of worried about you. Hilda said it was Claude’s idea to write some letters to you though he did warn us that you might not get these till later. I suppose that’s fine. Have you kept up with your fighting skills? I’ve been honing my skills daily! There’s no such thing as too much practice, not for someone like me! Maybe when you come back we can spar a little? _

_ Leonie _

Byleth smiled at the letter. Yes, a spar with Leonie would be wonderful. The next letter was from Ignatz.

_ Dear Professor, _

_ Hello professor! Are you doing well? We haven’t heard from you in a long time so we all sat down and wrote some letters to update you on our lives. I’ve been very busy reading as much as I can from the library about different art. Lysithea and I have read nearly every book in the library and we plan on searching for more knowledge in other lands. I wonder what kind of art you have seen while on your travels? _

_ Ignatz _

Byleth’s smile remained as he pictured Ignatz and Lysithea scouring the library, hungry for more knowledge. He set it down with the others and opened Lysithea’s.

_ Dear Professor, _

_ What’s taking you so long to come back? Claude has been all sorts of angsty here without you. Plus, we all miss you too. Especially Hilda, she needs someone to test some new accessories on and you have always been willing to try whatever it is Hilda makes. But besides that, I miss you too. People still underestimate me because of my age but you never have! I’m a lot older too so I can definitely hold my own. I know you were planning on traveling far but I wasn’t sure exactly how far. Where are you now? Is it nice? Make sure you write back so you can update us on your travels! _

_ Lysithea _

His smile faltered at the mention of Claude being ‘angsty’ as Lysithea described it. He wondered just how Claude was behaving to deem Lysithea describe him as angsty. He picked up Lorenz’s letter and prepared himself to read about his former student possibly complaining on Claude’s behavior.

_ Dear Professor, _

_ Due to circumstances, I have decided to participate with the others to write a letter to you. Before I get into the questions that the others have no doubt already asked you, I wish to kindly implore you to inform me of your current relation to Claude. He has been frequently avoiding everyone and actively denying that your departure has anything to do with his distressing behavior. Every time I attempt to ask about it, he changes the subject. It is, to be blunt, annoying yet quite alarming. He hasn’t even grasped at the chance to bother me (which is in itself highly unusual, I almost miss it). Have the two of you had a lover's quarrel? If so, I’m sure I can offer some advice if you should need it. Do not hesitate to ask. _

_ Now then, I suppose I should ask you the foreseeable question: how have your travels been? You should already know this but we have all been anxious to hear from you. Please write when you have the chance. I look forward to hearing from you. _

_ Lorenz _

This had not been the letter Byleth had been expecting but Lorenz had always kept a close eye on Claude, waiting for a moment when Claude would give him a reason to complain or correct him. He couldn’t fight the growing panic that was slowly rising. What had surprised him most about these letters so far was that no one seemed to know that he and Claude were no longer together, meaning Claude did not say anything to them about their relationship.

With a heavy heart, he picked up the last letter which was from Hilda.

_ Dear Professor, _

_ If you read my letter last, then by now you probably know what I am going to say. As Claude’s friend, I was confused on why he hadn’t seen you off when you left. It took a few months but I think I figured it out. You and Claude are no longer together, right? I may be lazy and uncaring to most but when it comes to Claude, I can read him with time. His smile is no longer what it used to be. It’s more like a crumpled copy of the smile he had before you and him got together and even then his smile didn’t reach his eyes. He is reclusive and I haven’t seen him smile since you left, at least not really smile. I thought it was because of your departure but as I observed more, I saw that he rarely ever spoke of you and if he did it was with a sad smile. I don’t mean to pry, but what happened between the two of you? Did Claude do something to hurt you and that’s why you left? That thought sounds close to impossible because Claude would literally never shut up about how amazing you were. I just want to know if everything is fine between the two of you.  _

_ I hope you are enjoying your trip. Please write soon. We miss you. _

_ Hilda _

His heart dropped to his stomach and the frown deepened. He had wished that Claude would be better off without him there, that there was a small chance that Claude could move on from him. But it seems not. From what Hilda had said, Claude was miserable.

“You look troubled,” Eleanor observed. She had put her knitting needles down and was regarding Byleth was a worried frown. “Are your friends fine?”

Byleth blinked rapidly, forgetting for a moment that Eleanor was still here the entire time he read the letters. He tried to put on a smile for her but had a feeling he failed.

“They’re doing great,” Byleth assured weakly. “I just wish I didn’t wait so long to write them. It seems they miss me.”

If Eleanor noticed the sad look in his eyes when he said this, she didn’t say anything. Byleth was glad for it.

“Well maybe it is time you write them all back.” She stood up with her halfway finished scarf and set it in her basket then made her way to the kitchen. “Oh, the soup is ready.”

Byleth put all the letters in a neat pile and joined Eleanor to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the story is a little fast paced, I wanted to go more in depth about Byleth's travels but I didn't think anyone would want to read that... heh.
> 
> Part of the reason why I put Hector the good doggo in the story was because I am still salty you can't pet the dogs or the cats. Nintendo what the fuck?!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet another chapter done. Now we're back to Claude's POV

Claude had watched from the tower as Byleth had rode away. He was sad to see that he never looked back. It was only when the moon was high in the sky and Byleth was long gone that he chose to get up from his spot. 

In truth, his feet felt far too heavy to be able to walk to the mess hall for something to eat (he had not eaten anything the whole day) but he knew if he didn’t make an appearance then his friends would worry and the last thing he wanted to deal with was questions. So he trudged down to the mess hall and grabbed a glass of water. He had some very light conversation with Raphael about the food and dismissed himself early. No one questioned it, probably sympathizing with him because of Byleth’s departure. 

Which reminded him, he had to tell everyone the news.

Except… he didn’t.

Weeks later, he had yet to inform everyone of the end of his and Byleth’s relationship. He told himself over and over that this would be the day he would tell them but it never was. 

Despite the growing black hole in his heart, he still made an effort to socialize and pretend that his world had not been shattered so recently. He carried the ring he gave Byleth in his pocket everywhere he went but eventually, even that grew too much to bear. And so he transferred it to a small jewelry box where it remained.

The first week had been the worst. He could hardly lay in bed without thinking of Byleth, so he had chosen to sleep on the floor or in the chair. It hurt his back but it was better than having an onslaught of memories hit him as soon as he lay down.

The mess of books he had in his room reminded him too much of Byleth always asking him to clean it up or at least make room for him to put his own stuff. Eventually, that too became too much and he spent quite some time cleaning his entire room. He returned books he had had for years, made his bed, tidied up his desk, and swept the floor. By the end of it, he didn’t quite recognize his room and maybe that was for the better.

He ate less as well. When Raphael would offer to eat with him, Claude would politely decline and say something about having to do some kingly duty that needed his attention ASAP. More and more he found himself eating in the meeting room or in his own room or not at all.

Claude was sure Hilda was beginning to catch on and maybe even Lorenz since he hadn’t bothered him in a while, so he doubled his efforts to convince everyone that he was doing just fine. He had a kingdom to run and he would run it without his advisor beside him.

And so time after time, he attended board meetings to discuss their strategy on dealing with thieves and people who planned to revolt against their peaceful living style. Claude couldn’t understand why people insist on hating each other to the point where they wish for the demise of other’s peace. He couldn’t understand why people couldn’t just love one another and accept that there were others who are different from them but that didn’t mean they were any less of a human. They had rights just as others did. They deserved happiness just as others.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed everyone watching him, waiting for them to dismiss the meeting. He quickly gathered himself and gave the dismissal. Once everyone filed out, he took the time to lay his head on the wooden table and shut his eyes.

The ever growing heartache that plagued his waking days grew heavier in his chest. No matter what he tried, he couldn’t be rid of it. It always got worse whenever anyone asked of Byleth’s whereabouts. Claude would tell them that he had went to some village far away to see more of the land. They never questioned it.

Training was a distraction he welcomed so he dove headfirst into it. Now the time he used to have for naps became the time to train until his bones ached. He often found Leonie on the training grounds and although it did him some good to spar with a partner, he preferred to train alone.

When the opportunity came, he took it upon himself to join some of his soldiers to take care of some simple thieves in a neighboring village. It was a nice alternative to being stuck in his office all day.

Hilda sometimes joined him on these small adventures, each time it became harder and harder to hide his sorrow from her.

Unfortunately now, months after Byleth’s departure, was one of those times. He had been riding in content silence when Hilda rode up beside him with a small smile on her face.

“Hey Claude,” she greeted happily.

“Hey Hilda, what happened? Did you hear anything?” Claude hopes Hilda won’t want to have a long conversation. He’s not mentally prepared to pull off an act of pretending nothing is wrong.

“No, I just wanted to see how you were doing. You looked pretty distracted and that’s probably not the best thing to be right now considering we are on the lookout for thieves that could potentially jump us at any moment.”

A fair point, and Claude made sure to tell her this. He apologized for being distracted and made an effort to look more focused on the task at hand. Hilda hovered nearby but she didn’t say much after that. At least not until they reached their destination.

“You know, as king, you don’t have to go on these types of missions anymore.” Hilda had her axe ready at her side as she regarded Claude with a curious eyes.

Claude flashed her a dashing smile. “Are you saying I shouldn’t be allowed to contribute with the fights and that I should stay behind and get lazy?”

“No!” Hilda squeaked. “All I’m saying is that if you were to… you know… get seriously injured or something, who would lead the kingdom?”

The answer came naturally to Claude, heartbreak or not.

“Teach would lead obviously.”

Hilda smiled at the mention of Byleth but her smile faded when she noticed how Claude suddenly looked like someone punched him in the gut. The expression was there for a second before it suddenly disappeared and was replaced by an easy smile. That was… odd. Hilda figured he must really miss Byleth more than he let on.

“But still,” Hilda continued. “ you are valuable to the—”

“Whoops! Hold on to the praise I know you’re gonna give me. We got company.”

Claude rides around Hilda to meet with his soldiers as they spot the first bunch of bandits. The battle doesn’t last very long, they may have only brought a decent amount of soldiers to help assist them but they also have Claude and Hilda on their side so the advantage goes to them.

They round up the bandits in no time, making sure they receive punishment as it sees fit and after they are all dealt with, they move on to find the next batch. After the third attack from the bandits, Claude can feel fatigue beginning to hit him. He silently curses himself for not eating as much as he should and tries desperately to keep himself conscious but the world around him looks like it is underwater and the sounds all blend to one.

Hilda is fighting nearby and glances over to see the exact moment, Claude tips over. Panic grips her and she calls out Claude’s name but Claude isn’t moving from where he fell. She dodges her way to her friend and throws herself at the bandit who has gotten far too close to Claude. She knocks the guy out with her axe and rushes to Claude.

Claude’s eyes are shut and after a quick look, she sees Claude is unharmed. He simply passed out.

Different scenarios run through her mind in the time it takes to drag him to a safer spot but she is shocked to find that Claude is much lighter than he looks. She settles Claude on the ground a good distance away from the fight and glances over to see how the other soldiers are doing in the fight. After confirming that they are fine, she turns her attention back to Claude.

“Claude?” she calls and taps his face to rouse him. After the third tap, she taps a little harder. “Claude!”

Green eyes slowly crack open, they’re hazy and now that Hilda has a closer look, she can see Claude looks a little pale and awfully exhausted.

“Claude you look terrible…” she trails off because how could she have not noticed this before? Claude was in no condition to fight.

Despite how exhausted he looks, Claude still grins. “Not so bad yourself.”

His teasing response doesn’t work this time because Hilda has now seen just how bad it is for Claude. Sure, she doesn’t know why exactly but Hilda isn’t stupid. Claude knows she can figure it out with some time. The thought of trying to hide it is tiring but Claude will stubbornly manage.

Hilda frowns. “What happened?”

Claude attempts to get up but the world spins and he ends up back on the ground. His head is pounding and he feels dehydrated but he still has a fight to finish. 

“Claude!” Hilda is desperately trying to get Claude to talk to him and Claude feels guilty that he’s made Hilda worry about him.

He sighs, long and tired. “It’s nothing, Hilda. I just need some water.”

Hilda looks torn between chewing him out for answers and running to actually get him some water because, yes, Claude looks absolutely dehydrated. Deciding that Claude’s health is more important than answers at the moment, she nods and helps him up to walk him to get some water.

➸

The bandits had been caught and justice had been dealt. Claude was approached by many of his soldiers, all asking if he was alright. Claude assured them all he was fine and was just feeling a little sick. There was a silent agreement among them all to prevent their king from fighting until he felt better. The sentiment was appreciated but Claude now felt like a burden than an asset.

Hilda had scolded him for not drinking enough water, eating as much, and getting the right amount of sleep. She pointed out the now obvious bags under his eyes and demanded to know why he had let it come to this. And when Claude refused to answer, Hilda threatened to write to Byleth and tell him of how bad Claude had been taking care of himself.

“No!” Claude surprised himself by exclaiming immediately after she stated that. He quickly composed himself though by now he looked even more worn out. “Please, don’t write to him about me. I’m sure he is enjoying his travels, I don’t want to worry him.” 

“But—” 

“Hilda, please.” Claude begs.

Hilda hates it but she nods and helps Claude get comfortable enough to get some sleep. And while he sleeps, she leaves to ponder on this whole situation. She wishes the professor were here, he would know what to do.

➸

When Claude woke up, he felt terrible. He felt wrung out and in desperate need of a wash but he was also glad to know that they had taken care of the remaining bandits in the village and were cleared to return. 

Hilda was silent the whole ride back but Claude didn’t care at this point. He only wanted to get back quickly so he could wash up and maybe get more sleep in his chair.

➸

Upon their arrival, Hilda helps Claude to his room. She is utterly astounded to see Claude’s room tidy. From what she remembers, Claude’s room was never tidy. 

Claude thanks her and asks for some privacy so he can sleep. 

Hilda gets ready to leave but pauses when she spots a jewelry box on the desk that is covered in dust. It’s the only thing in the room that is not clean, almost as if he were avoiding it on purpose. She had seen the box before only a handful of times and almost every time it was closed. There was only one instance where it was opened for a few seconds before Claude had shut it but in those seconds, she could have sworn she saw a ring. Almost like the ring he had given Byleth…

And now that she thought about it, Byleth had not been wearing the ring when he had left whereas prior to his departure, she had always seen him wear the ring proudly...

All at once, it clicked and she gave Claude a torn look. 

Claude was leaning against the bed, back facing her but his head was bowed and he looked like he was ready to drop to the floor.

“Get some sleep, Claude.”

She hears Claude hum weakly in agreement before she shuts the door to his room.

Hilda then ventures out to find the rest of the Golden Deer. She doesn’t tell them what happened or what she has found out but she tells them that Claude suggested they all write letters to Byleth to ask how he was doing and that the letters would probably take some time to reach him. Fortunately, no one catches in on her lie and they all eagerly agree to write the letters. Hilda suggest they have them ready by tomorrow and they all agree to meet back here at the same time to deliver the letters.

Hilda takes great care in writing her letter, rewriting it over and over until she is satisfied with her letter. A part of her wants to be angry at Byleth for driving Claude to this point but she knows Byleth wouldn’t do what he did unless it was something he really thought needed to be done. So no, she can’t find herself to be mad at Byleth. But she does need answers. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a problem with putting Claude through terrible things...   
Thing will get better though :))


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reeeee
> 
> I'm sorry about the wait but thank you all for the lovely comments. It made my day to see them 😭💛

Byleth had been staring at the quill for some time now. Somewhere during this, Eleanor had come in and set a cup of tea on the table for him. She ran a hand through Byleth’s hair and gently smiled when the action made Byleth look up at her with troubled eyes.

“Byleth,” she said. “Don’t you think it’s time to write your friends?”

Yes, it was long overdue for Byleth to write them a letter and inform them of how his travels have been but no matter how hard he tried to reach for the quill, his hand never reached it.

“I can’t seem to begin.”

Eleanor was quiet and then she left, coming back with a wooden chair, and she sat herself beside him. Under the desk where Byleth’s legs were, Hector woke from his nap and squeezed his way into the space between Eleanor and Byleth, patiently waiting to be picked up. Eleanor reached down and placed the small dog in her lap.

“Come on then,” she reaches for the quill and pulls the paper to her. “I’ll write, you tell me what to say. And maybe afterwards we can go down by the stream to relax.”

Byleth smiled once more grateful for meeting someone as good hearted as Eleanor. The woman has been nothing but patient and supportive since he arrived and, not for the first time, Byleth wondered if Claude would enjoy her company.

At the thought of Claude, his smile faded to a frown and he stared at a small crack in the wooden table. He tried to focus on that instead of letting his mind wander to what Hilda had said in her letter about Claude.

“Byleth?” Eleanor’s hand rest on Byleth’s shoulder. She waited for Byleth to calm himself before she placed the cup of tea in his hands. “It’ll help calm your nerves.”

Byleth nodded and took a sip of the warm tea. It helped and he was able to look at the quill in Eleanor’s hand.

“I have quite a few friends,” Byleth explained fondly. “Will you be able to handle all the writing?”

Eleanor laughed. “I may be old but these hands of mine can still write novels if I wanted to.”

Byleth nodded and together they wrote letters to each of Byleth’s former students. All except Claude. Claude would be the very last he would write to and it would be the one he would write himself.

➸

The letters were finished when the mood rose high in the sky. Eleanor had carefully folded and sealed the letters for Byleth and Byleth wrote the names of his former students on their letters. Eleanor told Byelth she would deliver the letters come sun up while Byleth worked the stand.

After Byleth had thanked her, they had went into the kitchen to make food to bring to the stream. The comfortable silence between them was exactly what Byleth needed after writing the long overdue letters and when everything was done, they had set out with Hector following along.

The stream was Byleth’s favorite spot in the entire village. He had come down here with Hector by accident and when he told Eleanor about it, she had brought him back to show him the path and the best spot to sit.

“My late husband and I used to come here when we were younger. He loved to splash water at me when I wasn’t looking.” Eleanor had reminisced with a blinding smile and then they sat down and talked till the night air became too chilly.

The weather was perfect for a picnic and Byleth spread a blanket on the ground, having to lift Hector and move him off the blanket a couple of times since the small dog loved to jump on the blanket every chance he got. When everything was settled down, Eleanor passed out the food and let Hector roam around for a bit.

“So these friends,” Eleanor began. “They must be very special people, telling by the context of the letters.”

Byleth nodded. “Each are unique in their own way but they are all dear to me. I feel bad for not writing back sooner.”

“I’m sure they will forgive you once they get the letters.”

Byleth hummed and watched the moonlight cast a faint shimmer on the water. If he looked hard enough, he could picture the reflection of someone whom he missed dearly staring back at him with an easy smile.

“And what about the one you haven’t written to yet? The one who has stolen your heart?”

A part of Byleth knew it was pointless to hide something like this from Eleanor but the other would rather keep quiet about Claude and wallow in self pity until the guilt became too much for him. But knowing Eleanor, she would not leave the subject alone until he confessed. She meant well and Byleth appreciated her efforts.

“He…” Byleth began nervously, suddenly afraid that Eleanor would not approve of him falling for another man, but he immediately hated himself for having even the tiniest of doubt in Eleanor. A look at her told him that she didn’t at all mind that he loved another man and his shoulders slumped in relief. 

Eleanor must have caught on because she looked almost heartbroken.

“Byleth, you know I would never disapprove of who you fall for. Love is a beautiful thing and anyone who questions what form it comes in is a fool.” She shifted her position to get more comfortable and called Hector over so that he rest beside her. “Please, go on about him.”

Byleth could feel his composure crumbling down at her reassurance. He took a deep breath and spoke. 

“He walked into my life one day and it was like he lived there. I didn’t know at the time that he would end up meaning so much to me but he was always there.”

The words Byleth wanted to say weren’t coming out the way he wanted. He wanted to explain to Eleanor that he thought they had gotten together far too quickly, that he wasn’t ready for the relationship even when he thought he was. He wanted to tell her that he wanted to go back to Claude but he didn’t know how or even if he wanted him back. There was so much unsaid and the frustration of the whole situation began to weigh on Byleth. He buried his head in his hands and tried to focus his thoughts. 

“Byleth, you don’t have to continue if you can’t. I know talking can be difficult.” Eleanor had once again come to his rescue and he wanted to apologize for not being able to continue but he couldn’t bring himself even look up.

Eleanor carried on. “Do you remember that boy I once told you about? He had dinner with my husband and I?” She saw Byleth give a short nod. “Well, he also had a difficult time talking about certain things. For him, it was his background and what people would do to him.”

The sad tone from Eleanor made Byleth look up and he saw she was staring at the stream, lost in memory. His curiosity got the best of him and he waited for Eleanor to continue.

“He was a bright young man, always having something to smile about even when things got rough for him. There had been a couple of times when he came to me with some gifts and though it was sweet of him to do so, I could tell he had gotten into some kind of fight. Maybe to keep people from taking gifts or perhaps he stole them. I never asked because I didn’t want to scare him away. Goddess knows how many enemies he made at such a young age.”

There was a moment of silence between them as Byleth gave Eleanor some time to remember this young boy. Byleth tried to picture what this young boy looked like but he couldn’t conjure up in image in his mind, he thought to ask Eleanor what he looked like but instead wondered if Eleanor had seen the young boy again.

“Have you seen him recently?”

Eleanor smiled sadly and nodded. “About five years ago he came to find me. It was during the time of battle between the three lands. He came to me as a fighter for freedom and equality,” she paused, letting out a small laugh. “My husband was so proud of him but the bright young boy I knew was no longer there, instead replaced with a grieving warrior, doomed to fight and kill for the purpose of something greater.”

“Grieving?” Byleth questioned.

“Oh yes. He didn’t tell me but I could tell he had lost someone he loved dearly.” She picked at the end of her sleeves as she went on, her eyes dim with sorrow. “He stayed a few nights, the poor thing hadn’t eaten or slept properly in weeks. I had to force him to sleep, convince him he was safe here but he insisted on staying up in case someone came looking for him. He never told me, but I know the look of someone desperately waiting for the one they love. He was so far gone.”

More silence between the two but now Byleth was thinking of this mystery man. How much pain he must have been in and he wondered if he found the one he was looking for.

“What did he look like?” Byleth asked.

“From last I saw him he was a lot taller than when he was younger. He had brown hair and was growing a nice beard that he was proud of but he still had those same green eyes.”

The description matched a certain someone Byleth was missing and he felt his heart sped up. He wanted to ask for a name but Eleanor might not have one and if she did, Byleth wasn’t sure he wanted to know. If this person was Claude then that would mean it was Claude who was grieving so hard for the person he had lost those 5 years ago. The same time Byleth had vanished during the invasion at Garreg Mach. His heart seized in his chest.

“Do you know his name?” came the quiet question. The question that would possibly break his heart further.

Eleanor hadn’t given him a name before, only said he was a young boy who liked to wander and make friends with animals. Who, like Claude, didn’t quite like cats.

“I do actually,” She revealed. “His name is Claude.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it really a surprise doe? lolz


End file.
